Sat 13 Apr 2024, 14:43 · Ash Harrison

Newcastle 4-0 Tottenham - Alexander Isak brace helps Magpies to convincing win over Spurs

Newcastle 4-0 Tottenham - Alexander Isak brace helps Magpies to convincing win over Spurs
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Newcastle United brushed aside Tottenham Hotspur at St James' Park for the second season in a row.

If you're a fan of schadenfreude then today's viewing on TNT Sports was absolutely magnificent with the pundits and commentators all took every opportunity to sing the praises of Tottenham defender Micky van de Ven only to watch him put on his arse twice in the space of two minutes leading to a goal each time. Firstly by Alexander Isak and then 95 seconds later it was Anthon Gordon's turn. He was even at fault for the third as his lightning-quick pace that TNT kept bleating on about was nowhere to be seen as Alexander Isak burst clear of the Spurs defence to bag his second.

I've looked it up and it turns out that "Van de Ven" is actually Dutch for "Wears loafers on wet grass".

Fabian Schar wrapped up the scoring for Newcastle heading home from one of the Magpies' 16 corners.

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Slippy van de Ven letting Alexander Isak in for goal number one

Newcastle jump up two places in the Premier League

The match actually got off to quite an even start and was rather end-to-end. Spurs looked dangerous and would likely have taken the lead had they not fielded Timo Werner who was absolutely woeful up front.

Spurs saw most of the ball and played a lot more passes as a result, but the scoreline goes a long way to show how little stats actually mean in the grand scheme of things.

The four goals and the win, which sees Newcastle leap up to sixth in the Premier League, for now, weren't all that was worth celebrating as Bruno Guimaraes did it. He made it through the game without picking up another booking which means he's avoided the two-game ban. It might be worth a fiver on him getting booked against Crystal Palace.

This was as close to a faultless display as you're likely to see

Each goal scorer was worthy of picking up the Player of the Match award today, as was Elliot Anderson, but in truth, there wasn't anybody out there who had a bad performance.

I guess that given he had very little to do and when he did, it wasn't convincing, Martin Dubravka was maybe the only player we could criticise, but even that's harsh.

With so many players missing and Eddie Howe playing around with tactics, we'd have forgiven the lads if they'd dropped points today, but to come away with a 4-0 win is simply phenomenal.