"Are We The Baddies?" - NUFC's 'Most Hated' Prem XI

Football. It’s a primal, tribal, irrational past-time. In fact, for most fans; ‘past-time’ would be an insulting way to describe it. Football can divide households, create social media chasms almost as efficiently as politics, and sometimes… blur the lines of morality.

Because ultimately, following a football club is like a marriage; in sickness and in health, through rich times and poor… and (in football’s case) through cult heroes and… slightly more unsavoury characters.

Obviously, there is a line. Jonjo Shelvey had a reputation for a thuggish red card and a lazy streak from time to time, but his reputation wasn’t bad enough that it dragged Newcastle’s name through the mud. We as a fanbase have had a lot of moral dilemmas recently with the Saudi regime; but today we’re focusing on controversial figures a little closer to home; namely, the players on the pitch.

Newcastle have never been one to shy away from players with a bad reputation; in fact, Sam Allardyce seemed to be on a one-man mission to recruit as many wrong’uns in one window as possible; timed perfectly with the arrival of the ‘Big Bad’ himself; Mr Mike Ashley.

So in an age where a footballer’s personal life has never been more front and centre and easily made public; where we’ve seen some truly sobering falls from grace from the likes of Mason Greenwood and Enzo Fernandes; we thought we’d take a look through Newcastle’s mugshot list of baddies and pantomime villains (some more than others).

And if you’ve recently checked out our 'Ranking Every Mike Ashley Signing' series… or even our ‘Streets Will Never Forget XI’, you’re about to see some unfortunately familiar faces.

*One final note, we’re not saying all of these players are criminals and deserve a lifetime in the cells, but we’re focussing on players that either got up to no good off the pitch, or irked their way into Geordie pantomime villain territory on it.

So here we are, our NUFC Premier League ‘Most Hated’ XI. And yes, we’re aware of how bizarre this 3-5-2 formation looks, but I doubt it would stay as an XI-man team for long with the deluge of red cards picked up among these players over the years…

In net, we have a villainous comeuppance fit for a pantomime...

GK - Jose Enrique (One famous afternoon in 2012)

As mentioned in our XI that "The Streets Will Never Forget", Newcastle have been blessed with some fantastic servants between the sticks in the Premier League era; certainly none of which deserve to be in a 'Most Hated' XI…

Long-serving custodian Shay Given left under a cloud as he turned his back on Joe Kinnear's sinking ship towards relegation; but he remains one of our greatest goalkeepers of all time.

Martin Dubravka certainly burned some bridges spitting his dummy out to go on loan to Manchester United; an act of impudence that cost him a place in a cup final in the absence of Nick Pope. But even him, we can forgive... after keeping us in the league season after season under Rafa and Bruce, it must have been a bitter pill to swallow when Howe brought Pope in with an opportunistic snatch from relegated Burnley.

...which brings us to another player who never let us down when in his favoured position of left-back in black and white, but turned into a pantomime villain when he left, and quickly became the butt of many Tyneside jokes upon his return to SJP.

Up stepped Jose Enrique to don the gloves of Liverpool as his goalkeeper Jose Reina saw red for head-butting James Perch and with Newcastle two goals to the good.

Disappointingly, he wasn't breached during his cameo in net, but he makes a somewhat fitting start to our Undesirables XI.

The grass wasn't really greener, was it, Jose?

Two defenders who weren't up for the fight on the pitch, and one who loved a fight off it...

CB - Marcelino (1999-2003)

Defence was also a difficult position for selection, as many of our wrong’uns played their football somewhat higher up the pitch. But kicking things off is a Spanish centre-back who proved to be just a monumental waste of time.

£5.8 million pounds was nothing to sniff at back in 1999… and Marcelino arrived with big pedigree, having made over 100 appearances for Mallorca and earning his first few senior international caps for Spain.

However, I believe the technical term to describe his attitude on Tyneside is ‘wetwipe’. Marcelino managed just 18 league appearances despite being contracted to the Magpies for over four years, clearly lacking the appetite and fight for the Premier League and ruling himself out for large periods of time with a number of mysterious ‘injuries’… included a two-month layoff for a damaged ‘finger tendon’.

He did know football was played with his feet, right?

Moving swiftly on.

CB - Jonathan Woodgate (2003-2004)

Our first entry in this list that was selected purely on his ‘thuggish’ quality of character, Jonathan Woodgate’s off-pitch antics make his two predecessors in this list appear like guardian angels.

Popular on the pitch during his brief stint on Tyneside but an undeniable rogue off it, Woodgate can count charges of ‘grievous bodily harm’ among his off-pitch accolades, with his manager at the time of the incident claiming ‘it would have made it easier if they (Woodgate and accomplice Lee Bowyer) had both gone inside (prison)’.

Talk about a liability…

CB - Sylvain Distin (2001-2002)

Another centre-back who largely impressed for Newcastle during his playing time for the club. It was, however, the manner of his departure and brevity of his stay that drew so much ire from the Geordie faithful.

Distin arrived initially on a season-long loan at Newcastle from Paris Saint-Germain, and he quickly built a reputation as one of the league’s most promising young defenders. It would end in tears though for the Magpies, as Distin rebuffed their efforts to sign him on a permanent deal, and instead chose to join Manchester City.

Bearing in mind, this wasn’t the successful and attractive trophy-winning behemoth Man City that we know today… but rather a team that had only just won promotion from the Second Division.

Even in those days though, it seems ‘money talks’ - and Distin became ‘persona non grata’ among Newcastle fans, as he chose to follow the cash alongside compatriot Nicolas Anelka in an ambitious summer for the Citizens.

Naturally, he was welcomed back to St James’ Park to a compilation of ‘money-grabbing’ anthems from the terraces.

A Madman Midfield...

CM - Joey Barton (2007-2011)

Celebrating Joey Barton in a black and white shirt is the definition of the "Are We The Baddies?” joke from the often memed Mitchell and Webb sketch.

Whether he was scoring a screamer to kickstart a 6-0 romp over the Sob on the Tyne brigade; whipping in crosses for fellow ‘bad-lad’ Andy Carroll to dunk into the net, or a streetwise tackle that left opponents in a heap with a tasty "bit of afters", it can't be denied Joey Barton did a lot right to develop admirers among the Geordie faithful.

And perhaps the brilliant best of Joey Barton's dark side was highlighted in the incredible 4-4 comeback v Arsenal; when he crunched into an unsuspecting Abou Diaby; who was a poor victim of injuries throughout his career. Diaby put his hands on Barton's throat; Barton looked innocently towards the ref like butter wouldn't melt; Diaby was sent off, and Barton scored two penalties on his side's way to clawing a point from a 4-goal halftime deficit.

Unfortunately, Barton's off-pitch behaviour makes his on-pitch thuggery seem juvenile. A cigar in a player's eye, a training ground bust-up that left Ousmane Dabo requiring hospital treatment on his face, a spat with Alan Shearer that saw him ruled out of a crucial relegation decider, gambling bans, sacking as manager of Fleetwood for a touchline-tunnel fracas, and most recently, ludicrous sexist comments that scream of misogyny.

Joey Barton is the poster boy of a Villainous XI.

CM - Emre Belozoglu (2005-2008)

The duality of man; the masterful and the monstrous. Emre Belozoglu has the ignominy of featuring in two of our recent NUFC Novelty XIs... for starkly contrasting reasons.

It appears when the hotheaded Turk wasn't thundering in pile-drivers from 30 yards; he was hurling racist slurs at unsuspecting opposition, with Joseph Yobo, Tim Howard, Joleon Lescott, El-Hadji Diouf and Alhassan Bangura all accusing Emre of racist insults and remarks during his time on Tyneside.

The fact he also loved a vicious red card tackle and a post-match brawl meant he had to feature; truly a nasty piece of work.

CM - Lee Bowyer (2003-2006)

Lee Bowyer completes a midfield three that would probably make Roy Keane and Vinnie Jones shy away from a tackle or two.

Bowyer arrived at St James’ Park with a pretty poor rap sheet; investigated alongside fellow miscreant Jonathan Woodgate for grievous bodily harm. And it didn't get much better during his SJP career.

Of course, he's remembered as one half of the most embarrassing on-pitch brawl in Premier League history, but he continued to be just as much of a misguided thug off the pitch as well, with a lengthy list of misdemeanours (many of which were reportedly racially fuelled, including throwing chairs at a McDonald’s worker).

Apparently he has turned to the solitude of fishing post-retirement, maybe it's the peace and quiet he needs to stop punching people.

Wickedness on the Wings: Two players who played their part in the sacking of Sir Bobby...

RW - Kieron Dyer (1999-2007)

We couldn’t have one without the other, could we? But sadly for Kieron Dyer, his participation in the Bowyer brawl is the least of his troubles in this list.

And ‘troubled’ is definitely the best way to describe the winger. Alongside his injury issues (which prompted his employers at West Ham to publicly plea that he retire and get off the wage bill), Dyer came public with sexual abuse he had suffered as a child from a family member, and has had health problems with his lung and liver in recent years.

What draws our ire though, is the part he played in the sacking of Sir Bobby Robson, where he effectively downed tools and refused to play where the manager needed him; on the right side of midfield in the season-opener v Middlesbrough in 2004. Robson was promptly sacked, partly due to results but also partly so due to the turmoil in the dressing room. Dyer even says Sir Bobby covered for him, explaining his absence as an injury, such was his dedication to players that ultimately let him down.

Dyer has since expressed regret at the part he played in the sacking of one of Newcastle’s most famous sons; but it doesn’t spare him a spot in our XI…

LW - Craig Bellamy (2001-2005)

Drawing noticeable similarities to Dyer on the other flank; Craig Bellamy achieved the infamy of upsetting not one NUFC legend… but two…

…and thousands of fans along the way.

Sir Bobby Robson said it best when he described Bellamy as “a great player wrapped round an unusual and volatile character”. Unfortunately for Bobby and us Toon fans, we saw a lot more of the latter than the former.

Initially starting well at Newcastle as a pacey foil to the brawn of an aging Alan Shearer, Bellamy eventually yielded to his petty and angry tendencies both on and off the pitch - as nightclub spats and needless red cards went hand in hand for the Welshman like so many others on this list.

And just like Dyer, a reported argument with Bobby Robson about playing on the wing as opposed to up front helped end Sir Bobby’s Newcastle career; as a cluster of young players that included Dyer, Bellamy and Jermaine Jenas collectively spat their dummies out. Things didn’t get any better with Robson’s replacement Graeme Sounness; and Bellamy was out the door.

But he wasn’t done there… after packing his bags for Celtic on loan, he reportedly took a spiteful amount of glee in mocking Alan Shearer after Newcastle’s FA Cup semi-final loss to Manchester United; a game which all but ended the Geordie hero’s dream of winning silverware with his boyhood club as a player.

Shearer reportedly responded by saying he’d “knock Bellamy’s block off” if he stepped foot in St James’ Park again.

While we’ll never know the truth of the matter, we do know that Craig Bellamy more than deserves his spot in this list.

Two farcical forwards complete the XI...

ST - Michael Owen (2005-2009)

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse from that midfield five; here we have a man filled with such disdain for Newcastle United, he wrote an entire chapter of an autobiography about it.

Making no secret that he didn’t want to leave Real Madrid for Newcastle in the first place, Michael Owen instead spent the summer of 2005 batting his eyelashes wistfully in Liverpool’s direction. However, his boyhood club refused to see value in the £17 million needed to prise Owen away from Madrid.

If only Freddie Shepherd had shown the same restraint.

Initially taking Bellamy’s place as a promising strike partner to Alan Shearer, that devastating ACL injury in the 2006 World Cup ruled Owen out for almost a year; an injury which Newcastle claimed cost them over £20 million in salary costs while injured, as well as the £10 million needed to bring in Obafemi Martins as his replacement.

And while the injury certainly wasn’t Owen’s fault; his behaviour upon his return certainly was; mooching around the pitch with a rockstar’s pout on his face; barely breaking into a sprint once to fight for the cause.

Even the honour of Newcastle’s captaincy couldn’t inspire Owen to find some consistent form, and after that bright start in 2005, he managed less than 20 league goals in his final three seasons at the club, and reportedly refused to play more than a cameo role in the infamous relegation decider at Villa Park; with one eye on staying fit for a move elsewhere while Newcastle were still warm in the grave.

In fact, the dark cloud under which he left Newcastle appears to have made his relationship with Alan Shearer untenable; as the two went to blows on Twitter following the release of Owen’s nausea-inducing autobiography in 2019… some ten years on since the pair were relegated as player and manager.

It’s fair to assume Michael Owen won’t get a warm reception should he ever take his horses for a trot around the Bigg Market, and that’s putting it mildly.

ST - Nile Ranger (2009-2013)

A kid from the streets of London who had every Geordie’s dream in the palm of his hand, only to throw it all away. In fact, Nile Ranger didn’t just throw it, he might as well have shoved a giant middle-finger salute at the entire Gallowgate end.

Nile Ranger didn’t just get a second chance to live every football fan’s dream as a professional. He had third chances… fourth chances… and even fifth chances to get it right - only to still wind up practically finished in professional football at just 27… and quite possibly with more criminal offenses on his rap sheet than career goals.

In a candid interview with YouTuber The True Geordie; Ranger blamed his antics on a multitude of things; from sleeping problems to bad advice from the wrong crowds… but unfortunately those issues spiralled into court cases concerning assault, drunk and disorderly behaviour, rape, homophobic comments on social media and money laundering.

It was sad to see a young lad who had been convicted of his first offense at just 15 squander a chance at a better life… until it happened again and again and again, until sympathy turned to apathy, and Nile Ranger proved to be just another wasted career on the football scrapheap.

For every Ian Wright success story, there are also ten Nile Rangers, it seems…

(Dis)Honourable Mentions

Here are several other unsavoury characters who drew criticism from their own fans, opposition players, or the legal justice system during their time at Newcastle United and beyond…

• Martin Dubravka
• Stephen Carr
• Damien Duff
• Jermaine Jenas
• Alan Smith
• Andy Carroll
• Jonjo Shelvey
• Moussa Sissoko
• Loic Remy

So, who makes your 'Most Hated XI'? Is there anyone we've missed?

For another nostalgic trip down Memory Lane, you can check out our 'Streets Will Never Forget' XI here.

And if you play FPL, see which Newcastle players we recommend here, and click the link below to join our NUFCFEED league!

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