What was that? - Newcastle United humiliated by West Ham United
Newcastle United still have that charitable streak in them, it seems. West Ham hadn't won at home for nine months ... enter Newcastle to put that right for them.
The Magpies took an early lead through a fantastic Jacob Murphy finish, and then immediately switched off, allowing Lucas Paqueta to level things up before Sven Botman put the ball into his own net five minutes into stoppage time in the first half.
Newcastle dominated possession of the ball in the second half but their first shot on target in the second period came on 90 minutes when Will Osula played a tame header into the hands of Alphonse Areola.
Then, seven minutes into stoppage time, Tomas Soucek bundled the ball home after Nick Pope failed to get the ball under control after a Jarrod Bowen shot.
West Ham were poor, Newcastle were abysmal
The Hammers had the ball in the net earlier in the half, too, but that one was ruled out for offside by the narrowest of margins.
A 3-1 defeat for Newcastle is made all the worse by the fact that West Ham weren't even good, but we were just so much worse.
There could have been 90 minutes of stoppage time, and we still wouldn't have scored. It's been a long time since I've seen such an awful performance from the entire team. Usually, there's at least one shining light. Today, if we did ratings, the highest we'd dish out would be a five for Malick Thiaw, and everyone else would be four or below.
What was going on with the formation?
You know you're cooked when Eddie Howe is making three changes during the break, but as he continued to throw players at the problem, the shape of the side became a pure guessing game.
Was it just my eyes, or was Sandro Tonali playing at right back for much of the second half?
Honestly, I'm just absolutely sickened by what I just witnessed. I'm going back to bed. Today's ruined.
Also, I'm calling for a ban on green kits from now on. They are absolutely cursed.
