West Ham (H) player ratings: Even by Newcastle United standards, this was a crazy game of football

 · March 30 2024, 17:59
West Ham (H) player ratings: Even by Newcastle United standards, this was a crazy game of football
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In one of the most bizarre matches ever seen at Gallowgate, Eddie Howe's never-say-die Newcastle United came back from 3-1 down to beat West Ham United 4-3 thanks to a late brace from super-sub Harvey Barnes.

Ahead after just six minutes due to a Shola Ameobi-esque penalty from Alexander Isak, the Magpies contrived to find themselves behind at the break following strikes from Michail Antonio and the excellent Mohammed Kudus.

Worse was to come early in the second half, with a Hammers counter from a corner ending up with Jarrod Bowen having all the time in the world to shoot past Martin Dúbravka. From there, a positive result looked out of the question for the hosts.

Step forward Barnes—with a helping hand from the hapless Kalvin Phillips—to produce a turnaround for the ages. Isak scored again from the spot to make it 2-3 after Phillips clumsily felled Anthony Gordon, before setting up Barnes for a lovely equaliser.

The former Leicester City winger went one better with the winner, though, curling wonderfully past substitute goalkeeper Łukasz Fabiański from more than 20 yards to almost send St James' Park into orbit after more good work from Gordon.

It's almost impossible to score this one, as Howe's players veered from the ridiculous to the sublime during a quite mad 90 minutes. We'll do our best to make sense of the insanity, though, and to be as 'objective' as ever with our final ratings.

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The players and staff deserve immense credit for this turnaround

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Alexander Isak was ice cold from the spot twice, with his first penalty being perfectly struck

Martin Dúbravka – 3

When you face four shots on target and make just one save, you're always likely to come out with a poor score. This was Dúbravka's reality today, sadly, in a showing that once again made us pine for Nick Pope. He's just far too inconsistent to be relied upon at this level.

Tino Livramento – 6

We're never going to see him get a proper run at right-back, are we? Following his injury against Wolves last time out it was injury to Lascelles here that forced him over to left-back after just 17 minutes. He'd started brightly in his favoured position, too, but faded thereafter.

Jamaal Lascelles (c) – 6

Injured in a collision with Antonio, his aerial presence and speed were a big miss for the rest of the contest. It didn't look particularly pretty in the ground and we'd be surprised if we see him again this season, which isn't ideal with Sven Botman already sidelined until January.

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Fabian Schär – 2

We feel dirty giving the Swiss this low a score but he was atrocious today, although not helped by the disruption of Lascelles' injury. He won just 2/12 duels—losing out to Paqueta and Kudus a lot—and was at least partially to blame for all three of West Ham's goals.

Dan Burn – 6

Having started the game quite well at left-back, he went all to sea for a period when shifted to the left centre-back slot following the early injury to Lascelles. He did recover somewhat from there, thankfully, but his inability to find a teammate remains a big frustration.

Sean Longstaff – 4

He's a man completely devoid of confidence at the moment and, in an ideal world where we weren't gutted by injuries, he'd be given a rest. He won just 2/11 duels in another insipid performance. The less said about his attempted finish when set up by Almirón the better, too.

Bruno Guimarães – 7

Bruno engaged in a ding-dong battle with his big pal Paquetá throughout and probably just about got the better of his compatriot. He almost scored a wonder goal when striking the Leazes crossbar and was a calming presence when we were chasing the game.

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Joe Willock – 5

Little Joe isn't yet back up to speed following his long layoff and this was a pretty poor showing from him on the left side of the midfield trio. He was particularly lax in his defensive work—not for the first time in his Newcastle career—and didn't link well with Gordon.

Jacob Murphy – 6

Probably better when moved to right-back from his starting berth on the right wing, this was another frustrating afternoon of watching Murphy in a black and white shirt. He did make one big chance for Gordon but otherwise didn't contribute much of note in attack.

Alexander Isak – 9

His two excellent penalties aside, this was Isak's best game for the club since the derby. He seemed a lot more involved than usual—regularly dropping into the pocket to get on the ball—and his left-footed through ball for Barnes' equaliser was genuinely world-class.

Anthony Gordon – 8

Gordon's performance summed up the insanity of the day perfectly for us. He won both penalties that Isak converted, got the assist for Barnes' superb winner, missed our best chance of the first half, and was then sent off right at the death for kicking the ball away.

What a difference it makes having some substitutes to bring on

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Kalvin 'The Curse' Phillips was introduced at 1-3 and promptly helped us halve the deficit
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Emil Krafth – 4

We were screaming for Hall to come on in the ground—as much to see Livramento remaining at right-back as anything else—so we might be judging the Swede with harsher eyes here. He wasn't great, though, and was rightly sacrificed as we went in search of the comeback.

Miguel Almirón – 7

Although he only managed 11 minutes on the pitch before succumbing to our injury curse, in that brief showing he made big chances for Isak and Longstaff with selfless passes. He seemed to revel in the chaos of being 3-1 down and it's a real shame he's now sidelined.

Elliot Anderson – 8

This was a quietly excellent cameo from the youngster, who won 6/8 duels, showed for the ball at every possible opportunity, and managed more touches than Willock in half of the minutes. His fearlessness is infectious and he still can't be anywhere near full fitness.

Lewis Hall – 8

Why on Earth has this kid not been involved more often? He added a lot to our attacking play but perhaps even more impressively he was the only player in black and white who consistently got the better of Kudus one-on-one. He surely deserves a run in the team now.

Harvey Barnes – 9 ⭐️

This is why the club spent £38 million on him in the summer. His two finishes showed exactly what he's all about, with a fantastic run and brilliant composure for the equaliser followed by a truly world-class strike for the winner. It's vital he stays fit until the end of the season.

Next up for the Magpies is Everton at home in the league

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We beat the Toffees 1-0 at St James' last season thanks to a screamer from Miguel Almirón

There's not much time for Howe and the players to recover from this madness, with Everton due on Tyneside on Tuesday evening for a 7.30 p.m. (BST) kick-off that will again be shown live on TNT Sports.

Sean Dyche and his charges have even got fewer hours to prepare than us, thankfully, having just been beaten 2-1 down at Bournemouth in one of today's 3 p.m. matches.

Win this and we're right back in the hunt for the European places.

Howay the lads!

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