Clueless Newcastle United fall to deserved defeat at hands of poor Everton side in bizarre game at St James' Park
Newcastle United's failings in front of goal this season were typified brilliantly at St James' Park today as the Magpies fell to a 3-2 defeat against an Everton side who defended solidly and gratefully received gifts at the other end.
If there were an award for the team that makes the most bad decisions per game, Newcastle would be soaring ahead of that league. Whether it's the decision to run into three opposition players, or to play a pass instead of taking a shot or vice versa, putting in a high cross rather than a low ball, or whatever, you can guarantee that nine times out of ten, our lads will pick the wrong one.
Newcastle could have played another two hours today and not scored. The fact that we even managed two goals was down to dumb luck more than anything else, as two wicked deflections wrong-footed Jordan Pickford.
Pickford made one of the saves of the season from a brilliantly hit Sandro Tonali strike that really showed the gulf in class between Everton's No 1 and ours, who was absolutely ghastly today.
Newcastle's defence was absolutely disgusting today, and Nick Pope made matters 100 times worse
Everton took the lead on 19 minutes when Jarrod Branthwaite ghosted Sandro Tonali and nodded home from a corner as Dan Burn neglected his duty on the far post.
Newcastle restored parity on 32 minutes via a deflected Jacob Ramsey effort, but that joy lasted just two minutes as Nick Pope spilt a routine shot and then failed to recover in time to stop Beto poking home the rebound.
Jacob Ramsey came out for the second half, puked up on the pitch and went back down the tunnel, replaced by Joe Willock, who was absolutely shocking, but was far from the only poor player today.
Newcastle dominated possession, were constantly on the attack, and never looked like winning all at the same time
Newcastle managed to absolutely dominate the second half, but as we already said, could still be playing now (whenever you're reading this) and still won't have scored without help from Everton.
Luckily, Newcastle got that help when Joelinton stood the ball up brilliantly in the area for Jacob Ramsey to lash a shot goalwards. It would have been covered by Pickford, but Idrissa Gueye stuck a leg out and deflected it into the goal.
Newcastle weren't even done celebrating and Everton's lead was restored, hwoever, as Anthony Gordon (another one who was horseradish today) lost the ball and Everton broke down the left, a cross came in and Thierno Barry, who was fouled by Lewis Hall, fell onto the ball and it rolled home sparing NEwcastle the indignity of a penalty and awarding Everton another embarrassing goal instead.
Newcastle had three good players out there today
Huge shout-outs have to go to Lewis Hall, Sandro Tonali and Joelinton because without them, this would have been even more embarrassing than it was.
Anthony Gordon, Joe Willock, Anthony Elanga, Nick Pope and Nick Woltemade need to sit down in a dark room and think about their life choices, especially Elanga, POpe and Woltemade. Those three need to consider a new career altogether.
We just can't understand how we can dominate the game so much and come away with nothing, and it never looked like we were going to get anything either. It wasn't a surprise that we got beaten, even though we were, statistically, the much better team.
Boos rang out at the full-time whistle, but it's hard to tell if they were for Newcastle, the officials, the Everton players who cheated their way across the line or just one last pop at Pickford before he went home.
