'Newcastle ready to hijack £40m Atletico Madrid transfer' - No they're not

 · August 15 2024, 19:09
'Newcastle ready to hijack £40m Atletico Madrid transfer' - No they're not
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We weren't going to give this story the time of day but we've seen it a few times from various outlets today and while we've got no connection to the club, we aren't ITK or anything like that, we can categorically state that this transfer rumour is bullshido.

The report doing the rounds today is that Newcastle United will now pounce for Conor Gallagher after the England international has been told to return to Chelsea as the proposed £40 million move to Atletico Madrid looks to have fallen apart.

First off, the deal was always going involve an Atletico player going the other way, which has been a big part of the problem, so Newcastle coming in with £40 million just wouldn't cut it.

Secondly, Newcastle have an abundance of central midfielders and as one X user pointed out today, we already have the quota of sub-par English midfielders filled with Sean Longstaff (apologies to whoever I stole that from, I didn't catch your username but I remembered your genius post).

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No!

Fichajes: Not even once

Of course, there's always a possibility that Eddie Howe might see Gallagher as an essential acquisition. Hopefully not, but you never know.

However, the thing that really puts this in the "not a chance" column for us is the original source - not that shower gel that tingles your nethers - where the story originated, and it seems to have come from Fichajes in Spain.

For the uninitiated, Fichajes is a publication in Spain that has the exact same approach to transfers as an ITK but manage to pass themselves off as a legitimate outlet. There have been several UK-based outlets that have run with this story today based on their random player and club generator matching Gallagher and Newcastle this morning.

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If we're wrong we reserve the right to completely change our tune

We even noticed one UK outlet crediting another UK outlet with the story rather than linking it back to Fichajes in order to boss its credibility. And it has worked as Newcastle World have run with it tonight.

Absolutely nothing about Conor Gallagher to Newcastle makes sense from our point of view. He plays a position we don't need, he'd be wildly expensive for a player we don't need and most of all, he's absolute toilet water.

Naturally, if we're wrong and he does come to Newcastle we reserve the right to call him England's greatest midfielder and worship at the base of his ripped socks.

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